A Lesson in Party Etiquette
by Drew Kolar
It's time for a bit of preaching, so please bear with me. New York City is filled with a billion live music and art events. A full-time partygoer could find an event for every night of the week if they really wanted to—verging on 24 hours if they know the right people to lead them to the after-parties. Most people get a ton of enjoyment from events and hate to have their fun ruined by the inevitable party-crashers, a problem that seems to be getting increasingly annoying, at least during my experiences on the town. A few parties this year helped develop the realization that a lot of people need to learn some major party etiquette.
Lately I've been attending Rubulad, a monthly warehouse party in Brooklyn with some interesting, sometimes sinful aspects to it—some of which I will not mention as it is supposed to be underground, and therefore secretive. The building has four rooms—one with live bands, two with DJs, and one with acts ranging from puppet shows to avant-garde performances—along with a roof that features silent films projected onto the wall of a tent. Though this is definitely the ultimate hedonistic and surreal experience for anyone partying in New York, it seems the word has gotten out about its awesomeness as at about midnight to 3AM, the building is PACKED, with no room to move and no pathway to walk through the dance floor of each room.
This brings me to the first and possibly most important rule of parties: do not walk through the middle of a dance floor, except to leave! True, you have no route to follow other than to cut your way across a room, but why not walk along the wall? Or find openings in the crowd and dance your way through? It is much more fun for everyone when nobody is getting pushed around or knocked over while jamming to the DJ or band.
A second rule also involving the dance floor features a particular pet peeve of mine: NEVER dance in a bigger space than you occupy when the floor is completely full!! Every single time I go out to a club or concert, some drunken fool decides to do some weird dance that involves kicking their legs around and jumping wildly up and down, possibly head-banging or creating an unnecessary one-person mosh pit. Not surprisingly, this sort of wild behavior tends to cause everyone in a four-person radius to nearly topple over after being pushed by the crazy person in the center who forgets that there are OTHER PEOPLE AROUND THEM. If everyone could keep to themselves and their circle of friends and not take up more than their allotted space, a dance floor could be a blissful experience, sans useless stress and injury.
Here’s a big one: puking on the dance floor is not acceptable. EVER. Not only is it gross for everyone who was dancing there, but someone has to clean it up—and they will not be happy about it. As a matter of fact, a "you puke, you clean" rule should be instated everywhere.
Now here's a rule especially for live music: do not overpower the performance. It's cool to sing along to your favorite song; this is totally acceptable at a concert, especially for performers who encourage it by holding the microphone to the audience (Alanis Morissette lets her fans sing along to "Ironic" at each show). Singing along too loudly bothers some people, but it is not as bad as other distractions. For example, if you are at a concert and talking during the set, there better be an emergency situation at hand. Nobody wants to hear your conversation about last night’s date, or how you're so emo and hate your parents and your life. Also, be careful to judge the appropriate dancing and yelling that a show might entail. If you're at an Enya concert, it is not okay to treat it like a Metallica gig—sit down, shut up and chill with the music. If there are seats, it is okay to stand up only if everyone else does, and dancing is okay if you don't take up more than your seat space and don’t block anyone’s view. Rock concerts are prone to mosh pits and stage dives, but if it is a tightly-packed venue with little security, it's best to not attempt it, or else risk toppling over the entire audience—I've been buried in a sea of people after a stage dive, and it is completely un-fun, un-exciting, unnerving and just plain scary.
Another problem that is less common in strictly-carding clubs and bars but fairly prevalent in underground parties—although Rubulad does card—involves irresponsible underage drinkers who don't know how to handle themselves. I'm not promoting underage drinking, but it's impossible to ignore the fact that it is going to happen. So for those of you youngsters who somehow manage to slink your way into a venue where booze is readily available, either be responsible and know how to handle yourself, or step away from the booze so as to not risk ruining the night for everyone else. Being unnecessarily drunk and rowdy leads to breaking every other rule. It can also interrupt the concert when a bouncer has to drag you out kicking and screaming for being completely stupid and obnoxious. Do us all a favor and act like an adult (which may mean acting a bit older than your age).
Many of these rules are only scraping the surface of problems that we professional partiers face, but these are some of the biggest ones. Everyone has had their time to make mistakes as well, so this is not coming from a holier-than-thou stance. The last party I went to involved me freaking out and losing my cool, but I followed the most important personal rule that everyone should learn: if you are feeling uncomfortable and unsafe, be it because of drunkenness, tight spaces, wild partiers or any sort of substance that might cause paranoia, it’s time to head home. It's always best to save your own sanity—even if the situation isn't as bad as you think it is—than have an even worse night later on. And if you ruin your friends' night by asking them to leave, they will probably understand if they are true friends. Above all, if you’re planning a wild week of partying, be sure to look out for yourself and those around you most of all, and the concert or club or party will be a joyous, miraculous and safe experience for all.
