An Open Letter to Alanis
by Drew Kolar
Dear Ms. M,
We've had some amazing times over the last decade, eh? I watched you grow from a scared young girl into an amazing woman - perhaps a little too closely at times, but you know I wouldn't mean any harm. I came to care about you, look up to you like a mentor for life. I was so happy when I saw your humorous side show through, and I bragged to everyone about how amazing you were and how you weren't just the one-dimensional girl that everybody else saw-and ultimately, people began to see that as well when you brought it out into the open more.
You taught me a great new vocabulary-many of them four-lettered words that some people strangely perceive as "offensive." You taught me that it was okay to let out emotions through song, and that it was okay to be self-deprecating sometimes, as long as it wasn't self-destructive (which we've also both delved into). We both hit major points in our lives at the same time, whether you know it or not-getting into a long-term relationship, and then simultaneously having it crumble before our eyes, for one example. We've had interesting moments together, like the time I asked you about going to dinner with fans-and you brought up what might happen after dinner (how embarrassing, in front of an entire audience!)... Even if you are eleven years older than me, I have understood you all these years. You're a greatly intelligent woman, and you've already won me over, in spite of me...
Unfortunately, there always comes that particular time in every relationship to reassess the situation. While we have definitely had some amazing times together-me supporting you in all your ventures, you helping me through the rough times-the past few years have been rather disappointing. I've been longing for more, but you've been taking your time with things. I understand the need for a break, as even my life is pretty hectic these days, but every time you make a promise or a date, it seems that you just keep pushing it back. I can't trust you to keep your word anymore, and it upsets me.
We are growing apart, and I've been meeting new people that seem like they might fulfill things that you have yet to fulfill. There's Kate in London, who I have met up with on more than one occasion and shared some pretty fun-and sometimes hilarious-times. There's Teresa in New York, who is in a band that I've come to also know very well. We've had our fair share of parties, and we've helped each other out in our respective areas of expertise-she with articles I've written, me with promoting her music. There's Bif, Cassie, Brittin... the list could keep going with all the new people that I've met over the course of the past couple years that our relationship has dwindled. They're much closer to me; much easier to talk to; much easier to relate to these days. We're both evolving in different directions-which is perfectly fine, don't get me wrong, but I thought you oughta know how I feel.
I'm not giving up on you, however-you haven't lost me completely. There is still a chance that this relationship can survive. You won me back for a moment through YouTube when your cover of "My Humps" made its way into cyberspace. I also know you'll be back in my city soon with some other artists that I have grown apart from, which could very well rekindle two relationships for the price of one. I know you've been working on some new things that could very well help re-form the bond that we used to have. I know you've been meeting new people as well, including a producer who is pretty good friends with Kate. There are growing connections again between you and me, at least in our circle of friends and acquaintances. Who knows, maybe someday we may even meet again on a much more friendly basis than we have in the past.
Truth is maybe things aren't looking so bad after all. I mean, you still make regular appearances at my parties, at least in musical spirit-though I opt more for dance remixes these days than the original tracks that I've come to love. My taste is changing, but so is yours. Maybe we'll meet again in the middle somewhere, or maybe we're evolving together like we always have and I just haven't realized it yet. And until I do, I've got enough on my plate as it is that I'll be kept busy enough to wait it out, so take however long you need to get yourself back in order. We've got all the time in the world, my dear, so don't take this letter too much to heart just yet—these are just the thoughts that have been going through my head lately. So, Ms. M., I hope to hear more from you soon during these busy times, and I hope all these fears I have of our future are all empty ones. But until we can tell for sure, I'll be waiting here patiently-with one hand in my pocket.
Yours,
Drew Kolar
